When Did We Become Roommates?

I was talking to some friends about how things were going in their marriage the other day, and the recurring theme was boredom.  How is it our marriages go from hot and spicy to the same old day in and day out routine of just living together as strangers passing each other in the night?  How do so many of us get to this place so quickly in our marriages?  It may help to  go back to when it all started.

When you start to date, you are intentional about the relationship.  As a guy you are in pursuit or on the hunt for that special someone.  You enjoy the chase and the woman enjoys being chased.  Everyone is on their best behavior and out to impress.  Then they get married and the hunt is over.  Everyone returns to their normal self and the urge to impress is gone.  Guys think, “well I got the woman so no need to continue to pursue her.” Girls think, “well I got the man no need to continue to flirt and beguiling him.”  Life takes over with the every day routine of going to work, coming home, eating dinner, going to bed, only to wake up and start the whole cycle all over again.  Then you start adding kids and now there is no time for each other because it becomes all about the children.  BAM! Now you are roommates!  Yes it can be that simple.

I also believe the roommate scenario can cycle in and out of your marriage depending on how busy your life gets.  So… how do we stop the madness and keep it from happening to us?  Be intentional.  Your spouse has to be a priority for you.  You must continue to pursue, flirt, beguile, and put your best foot forward.  You need to continue to date.  Why?  Because after the kids are gone, you are left with your spouse, and you don’t want to be strangers.  You want to start your marriage with the attitude of it being “you and your spouse against the world” and end with “you and your spouse against the world.”  Of course this is a challenge.  The devil does not want unity in your marriage.  He wants division, strife, and conflict.  He wants to kill and destroy your marriage because your marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and the church.

Just as God pursues us and continues to woo us into a love relationship with Him, we are equipped to do the same with our spouse.  Just as He expressed His love for us at the cross, so we are equipped to sacrificially show our love for one another in our daily walk.  His desire is to show his love for us through our love for one another.    So… Guys continue to pursue your wife as God pursues his people. Let your marriage bring glory and honor to God as you and your spouse serve him together as a unified reflection of Christ and not roommates.

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