Do you trust your husband? I know you probably did at one time because you married him. Often times the trust that was once present has been eroded by bad decisions, angry outbursts, selfish acts, and sheer stupidity. The problem is that really great marriages are built on a foundation of trust and often times, trust is lost when our unrealistic expectations are not met.
At the age of 19 I walked the isle and said, “I do.” Patty had some expectations of me that turned out to be unrealistic:
- Michael will make good financial decisions – Michael got us into $50,000 worth of unsecured debt.
- Michael will consult with me on issues of significant importance – Michael joined the Air Force without even discussing it.
- Michael will help me take care of our child – Michael had no idea how to handle a child.
The list is long and distinguished.
I know what you are thinking; these are not unrealistic expectations. This is what a husband does if he loves his wife. That maybe true when you marry a mature 35 year old, but not a 19 year old. It is a realistic expectation now, but may not have been then.
Here is my point; if you have a lot of baggage from early in your marriage it may be time to unpack it and put it at the feet of God. Your husband is not the man he was 15 years ago, maybe it is time to look at him for who he is now and not what he was then and issue some forgiveness. Maybe it’s time to forgive and trust God that he is continuing His work in your husband just as he is in you.
You may note that this is a somewhat personal entry for me. Anyone would have fully understood if, after 15 years of struggle, Patty had left me because of my immaturity and stupidity. However, she made a different decision. Along the way she stopped focusing on trying to change me and started focusing on trusting God and letting God be in charge of changing me. That is exactly what happened. I am convinced when she starting trusting God and stopped trying to be my Holy Spirit, God got to work in our marriage. We love being married and we are thankful for each other and what God has done in our relationship. Ultimately, we are thankful that we can trust God and can rest in his provision in our marriage. Because we trust God we can trust each other. It is that foundation of trust, both in God and in each other, that makes all the difference in our marriage.